This blog is about being authentic. Owning recovery and healing with an additional source of accountability and responsibility to be present and continue on this journey and remind myself and others of its importance. Healing doesn’t stop. It continues every day 24/7.
The reality of being an elder emo whose adolescent part (IFS Parts) has driven most of her life is that the trauma allowed for hypervigilance, instability, and unhealthy relationships to run my sense of being. I’m still scared sh*tless every day that I am going to be abandoned by one of my core people and then the adult me doesn’t give a f*ck and challenges them to.
Coming to terms and accepting that you do not always need certain people in your life is a major part of healing. You will find the people who understand your need for reassurance and will heal alongside you, not do the work for you. People are meant to flow in and out of your life, yet the ones who are meant to be there for the big picture will stay consistent. It is scary to be vulnerable and let people in to see you. Part of combating that is doing your best to not close yourself off completely as we do need community to function and thrive.
Now you may be thinking “Marissa you’re full of sh*t, I don’t need people in my life. I can be hyper independent and kick a**”. Well honey, the reality is that you do. Loneliness can only get you so far. And loneliness and extreme autonomy go hand-in-hand. And if this blog can make someone feel a little less alone then I’m doing my job.
That’s a substantial part of what I intend to do with this blog. Share my healing journey while also developing a community of likeminded (also depressed, anxious, and traumatized) individuals whose emo parts are essential to who they are and working on healing those inner teens who didn’t think they’d make it this far.
For those of us who did, I am proud of us. I am proud of you. It can be hard to get up every day and throw on our checkered Vans to go work and try to find more meaning to life. Might as well put on Spotify and listen to the songs that saved us while we do it.
Comment a song(s) that kept you going in your adolescent emo days. The ones that hit harder than expected and still make you feel a shift inside your core.
Here’s mine: Listen Close by The Sleeping
DISCLAIMER: Just because I am a therapist does not mean this blog and any recommendations or reflection questions I post are a substitute for therapy. I am NOT your actual therapist (unless you hire me, but that’s a different story). Go find your local emo therapist or a different therapist who fits your vibes.